The Catholic Wife

A Call to Veil...

2011-12-22T12:07:00.000-08:00

Well, I almost forgot to post a link to my guest post on Catholic Sistas about veiling! Here it is...

A Call to Veil: The Mysterious Unfolds

If you have any encouraging words for women who are considering wearing a veil to church, please don't forget to post a comment at the bottom of the article.

Heaven Rejoicing

2011-11-14T17:14:00.000-08:00

This past Saturday, I had the amazing opportunity to witness a dear friend of mine return to the sacraments after more than 30 years away. I asked her today if I could share her story and she agreed, so here it is!

Diane started working at the Veils by Lily office in May at the same time we initially rented out the space. My husband knew her from his second job during tax season, and when I started looking for someone to help me sew veils, he said he was pretty sure she had apparently been sewing for a very long time.

When I asked him to tell me more about her, he said he didn't really know much, other than that the managers at the tax office had been very impressed with her work ethic. As one of the "wavers" who would stand outside in the bitter cold trying to get people to go into the office to get their taxes done, she would stay outside for the entire length of her shift, only coming inside for brief bathroom breaks. My husband compared her to the other wavers, who would be outside for a while, come inside and chat for another while, go back out, come back in, and so on. The managers said she was the only waver would had ever lasted the entire tax season. Needless to say, I was very impressed, and without having even met her, I knew she was the right person to help me.

All this happened at the same time that God led us to our little office in Liguori, a beautiful Catholic setting for our Catholic apostolate. It was just so fitting--we were even just down the hall from a chapel where the Blessed Sacrament was reserved, the whole reason for our existence, and the reason for our veils. It was then that I knew... I just knew that Diane was here for a reason.

She even said so herself a few months ago. We were working away, talking about some Catholic issue she might have asked me about, when she said to me, "Lily, I just know that God put me here for a reason. I'm supposed to be here."

I remember sharing with her my love for the Church and most especially, the Eucharist, one Saturday morning over breakfast at the St. Louis Bread Co. We had just been to Mass together at St. Francis de Sales Oratory--I had wanted to show her a church where many other women wore veils to Mass. As we sat eating breakfast and making small talk, she took the conversation a bit deeper when she asked me if I'd been Catholic all my life. Poor Diane, she had no idea she would set me off talking for at least 15 minutes, barely stopping to take a breath! At one point, I remember distinctly thinking that I knew nothing about her faith background, which promptly made stop talking and asked her about herself. It was then that I discovered that she had received the sacraments as a child but had drifted away once she had reached adulthood.

On another occasion, we were working together at home when she asked me how Mass had been that day. I replied that it had been particularly touching, as it was the feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross. As I explained more about it at her request, she looked at me and asked me if I was kidding. I said no, it really was, but she had an incredulous look on her face.

"You won't believe what I did today," she said. I thought she was changing the subject.

"What did you do?"

"I had the urge to go into this Christian store, which is totally unlike me... and look what I bought." She pulled out from under her shirt a small cross hanging around her neck.

"And you know what's even funnier? Last night I had a dream that I went to confession."

Now I couldn't believe it... and yet, I could, because I knew what kind of business God is in.

This past Friday, we were working together again and somehow the conversation turned to offering Holy Communion for our loved ones.

"I know you've mentioned going to confession in the past," I said, "and you know, you could go to confession today. Then you could receive Holy Communion and offer it for whoever you want."

"Okay... so what do I do? Where do I go? Who do I call?"

I gave her the phone number for one of our parish priests, whom I go to for confession often. Later that evening, her best friend, who also now helps me with veils, stopped by. When she heard she was planning to go to confession, she was ecstatic for her and asked her if she would go to Mass with her at 5 o'clock on Saturday evening. I remembered then that my midwife was supposed to come over in the morning, so my only chance to go to Mass on Saturday would be at 5 o'clock. "Well, what a coincidence!"

We all met at the church on Saturday evening, Diane having gone to confession (with my special group of Catholic mama friends eagerly praying for her, hundreds of miles away) and me running in just before Mass started. I whispered "Congratulations!" in her ear and gave her a kiss and a warm hug before I scattered to find a seat.

Right after the Holy, Holy, I had the most bizarre yet awesome feeling. Somehow, I had a flashback to my First Holy Communion, and I felt exactly like I did on July 5, 1995 at that precise moment in the Mass. It was like an acknowledgement that something transcendent was about to happen in receiving the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ within my very being for the first time, something I had longed for for so long. Except it wasn't my First Holy Communion. In a sense, it was a "first" of Diane's, after so many years.

I received my Lord first, returning to my pew and kneeling just moments before it was Diane's turn. She tells me now that, right at that moment, about two people before it was her turn to receive, it hit her--this was it, and she just wanted to burst into tears. She says she felt a sudden rush of something, but she maintained composure, and the moment I saw Father raise the Host before her very eyes and then carefully give her Holy Communion, I cried. I couldn't stop crying.

I thought of all the times I had longed with such a burning intensity to receive the Eucharist, such that even walking up the aisle was a torturous wait... and I thought of how much more Christ himself did long to reach deep into Diane's soul and give her rest. I thought of the transcendence of the moment when earth is lifted up to heaven and we get to enter into real--not symbolic or imagined--communion with the very God of the universe, who draws us to Himself and longs to transform us from the inside out. I cried even harder.

When Mass was over, Diane came over to where I was sitting. We looked at each other's eyes, both filled with tears of joy, and hugged. We decided to celebrate by having dinner with the rest of the parish at the spaghetti dinner. I called my husband and told him to bring the kids, and we all (including Diane's best friend) celebrated.

It was a wonderful night.

A Day at the Office

2011-10-29T09:51:00.000-07:00

My amazing husband is home with the kids this beautiful Saturday morning, and I get to work here:

Okay, so the Veils by Lily office is not outdoors, but this is the beautiful road that leads to it. The colors were even more striking a couple of days ago, but I didn't think to stop and take a picture until just now.

God is reflected in the beauty of His creation, and I can't help but thank Him over and over again for all the blessings He just keeps pouring out on our family. On my way to the office this morning, I was particularly grateful for the chance to give Him glory through beautiful veils. A friend once said to me, "Do you realize that almost all the veils you make get to be worn by women the moment they receive Christ in the Eucharist? It's like your veils are always in the Real Presence of Christ!"

That's pretty amazing.

Expecting again... for good this time?

2011-06-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

Life with three little ones is wonderful... looking into each of their faces every day is like looking into the face of Christ. Naturally, I can't wait until we get to meet this new life growing within me. The children are thrilled that a new brother or sister is on the way. My son, of course, wants it to be a boy. My oldest daughter, of course, wants it to be a girl. But, wisely, my son has declared that we should think of both boy and girl names, just to be sure.

I'm having the oh-so-"wonderful" early pregnancy nausea and fatigue, made worse by the fact that I've been put on both oral progesterone and progesterone injections (two injections, twice a week... aye). But I'm comforted by the fact that I never had a chance to get to the early pregnancy symptoms with all three previous miscarriages. And given that I made it to at least 7 weeks without realizing I was pregnant and therefore without the extra progesterone, I'm thinking that maybe God wants this little one to stay.

I was in adoration last night and the tears just kept coming down my face. They were tears of joy, to be sure--at nothing in particular and yet at everything in particular. Or maybe it was just the fact that God was right before my eyes. Either way, it hit me that I haven't experienced the intensity of my pregnant moods in over two years, and it's time to walk this walk all over again. This is probably my most challenging pregnancy symptom, over the debilitating fatigue and the just plain yucky nausea. I would appreciate your prayers.

You know what's really amazing, though? That never before have I been late to finding out I was pregnant. I usually know at three and a half weeks. Well, not that, but the fact that God waited just enough time to let us know until we were settled in the new office, having my friends helping me with the veils. I think God probably knew that, had I found out before that, I would have freaked out and given it all up, a la "I can't do it--I'm done!" So He waited. And now, I have more time to devote to my kids and more time to get much-needed rest, thanks to putting it all in His hands and letting Him lead us to getting the business out of the house and into the perfect office... with help from others.

God's plans are perfect, and He shows us so, over and over again. Boy, am I looking forward to seeing Him face to face.

Longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

Fearfully, Wonderfully Made

2011-02-22T10:40:00.000-08:00

God's love is so personal...

I've always heard that God loves "us"... as in, "us in general." But God's love is so much more than that. It's infinite, of course, and we can't begin to wrap our finite minds around this concept, but it's also so personal... so intimate. How beautiful it is when God begins to inflame our hearts with the knowledge of this love.

Danielle Rose sings beautifully of the intimacy of God's love in her song Psalm 139 (Wonderfully Made):

Lord, you search me and you know me, when I sit and when I stand. You understand my thoughts from afar. Behind me and before me your hand is there to guide me. Too wonderful for me, this knowledge is beyond my reach. Before a word is on my tongue you know it all before it has begun.

I praise you, God, that I am fearfully, wonderfully made.

Where can I hide from your presence? Where can I flee from your face? If I climb to the heavens you are there, if I lie in the grave you are there. If I take the wings of the dawn or dwell at the sea's furthest end, even there your had would guide me, your right hand hold me fast. For you night is as the day, for you light and darkness are the same.

I praise you God, that I am fearfully, wonderfully made.

In secret, as in the depths of the earth, you formed my inmost being. My very self you knew, my bones were not hidden from you knit me in my mother's womb.

How beautiful.

Longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

On Our Knees Before the Lord

2011-02-14T12:02:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, I was blessed to attend Mass at St. Francis de Sales Oratory in St. Louis. The homily given by Canon Michael Wiener spoke to me immensely.

Remember me going on about wanting to kneel for Holy Communion at my local parish? And how I was specifically told not to?

Well, since then, I've begun to attend the Oratory on a regular basis, absolutely loving the beauty and reverence I have found there. I love that I blend right in with others who are also in love with our Eucharistic Lord and that, together, we participate in the most beautiful form of divine liturgy.

So, you can imagine how delighted I was yesterday to hear Canon Wiener speak of the Holy Eucharist in light of the parable of the mustard seed, and then quote Bishop Athanasius Schneider, on this topic:

Living in the shadow of the mustard tree, being a citizen of the kingdom of God gives us access to the superabundant gifts of the everlasting king: The Eucharist, the nourishment of our souls celebrated in the divine liturgy.

“The Blessed Eucharist is for you … Rejoice, o man, your Christ, your priest, is eternally living with you. You are going to find Him at your side in all the needs of your life. If you are thirsty of truth, He will instruct you and pour light into your intellect. If you are suffering, if the sorrows of earth press heavily on you, He will console you”, says Mother Louise Margaret Claret, a spiritual daughter of St. Francis de Sales.

In the conclusion of his book “Dominus Est – It is the Lord” The Most Reverend Athanasius Schneider, Auxiliary Bishop in the Archdiocese of Astana in Kazakhstan, writes:

“Allowing oneself to be fed like a baby by receiving Communion directly into the mouth ritually expresses in a better way the character of receptivity and of being a child before Christ Who feeds us and nourishes us spiritually. An adult, on the other hand, takes the food himself with his fingers and places it into his own mouth. … The gesture of receiving the Body of the Lord in the mouth and kneeling could be a visible testimony to the faith of the Church in the Eucharistic Mystery and even something that heals and teaches our modern culture, for which kneeling and spiritual childhood are completely foreign phenomena.”

Then, Canon Wiener went on to speak of the gift of the liturgy as having its source and purpose in the Eucharist itself.

The mustard tree, the Church, is continuously cultivated and renewed in the celebrations of the divine liturgy. The liturgy is above all a gift of the Lord to allow His Mystical Body to be part of His supreme act of Adoration, Thanksgiving, Propitiation and Petition. It will profit the whole of us, the members of this Mystical Body, when all individual members are deepening their faith and their knowledge with regard to the liturgy.

The more we all are able to see the true spiritual roots of the mustard tree the better we are defended against a purely ideological or human perception of the liturgy. The Institute of Christ the King Sovereign Priest cultivates the splendor of the liturgy to bring us the Lord. This is certainly counter-cultural, but being counter-cultural is not the first reason for the Institute to exist. The first reason for us to celebrate the liturgy and for the Institute to exist is to nourish and cultivate the mustard tree planted by Our Lord and entrusted to us and all generations before and after us. Amen.

"The more we all are able to see the true spiritual roots of the mustard tree the better we are defended against a purely ideological or human perception of the liturgy." That's right. The Holy Mass is not just a way to express our religious tendencies or a place to go to in order to feel loved by similarly-minded people. In the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, we encounter Christ himself. Our Lord, our God, the source and summit of our lives, the One who can fulfill the deepest desires of our hearts... is there.

How fitting it is, then, to fall on our knees before Him.

Longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

P.S. Special thanks to St. Louis Catholic for posting the text of Canon Wiener's homily.

Would You Veil if More Women Did?

2011-02-09T10:38:00.000-08:00

One of the things I have learned in the last few months in talking to many women at conferences and other venues, is that they want to veil in the presence of Our Lord... but won't do it because they are afraid of what other people will think. They are afraid of calling attention to themselves, because it would mean people might look at them and think that they are trying to appear holier than they are, or worse: that they are passing judgment on the majority who don't veil. These women long to please God, truly present in the Blessed Sacrament, but are held back in their desire to do so because of the peer pressure not to veil.

Why do we veil?

We veil as an act of humility before Our Lord, truly present in the Blessed Sacrament. To veil in church is to make visible what we believe in our hearts--that Jesus, true God and true Man, is present in the Blessed Sacrament in Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity... and that we desire to humble ourselves before Him.

Why an external sign?

Because we are human. As such, our faith is edified by things we perceive through our senses: sacred music, sacred art, incense, beautiful vestments, pious gestures toward the tabernacle, etc. The greatest gift we receive is given to us by mouth: the Eucharist.

Why the head?

Because hair has always been a woman's glory--a part of us that we take care of in order to present ourselves to the world with dignity. By covering our hair when we enter into the presence of God, we are saying that all glory is God's, not ours.

Should I veil in church if I'm the only one?

Should you do something that is pleasing to God if you're the only one? My answer to this question is the same as the one used by those who are opposed to veiling in church: "God knows your heart." If you truly desire to please Him, then yes, by all means, veil. Even if you're the only one. God knows your heart. He will know that you are not doing it because you consider yourself better than anyone else, or because you want to pass judgment on others who do not veil. And enduring the possibility of others thinking those things about you will become a cross you will be happy to offer to Our Lord. (But most likely, they won't. In fact, you will probably give other women the courage to do what they've been longing to do!)

All of this is why I veil. If you would like to read deeper into the symbolism of the chapel veil, go here and here.

Need a little extra courage before you go for it?

Remember this: the same pro-abortion women's group who pushed the feminist agenda in the 1960's (the National Organization for Women) was behind a campaign to get women to shed (and burn) their veils, in direct disobedience of what was then Canon law. You can read more about it here.

For now, please go to Fr. Z.'s blog and cast your vote!

Longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

A Thoughtful Gift

2011-02-08T10:25:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a crazy few months. Forgive my absence from this blog, but God has had me working overtime! Between two more miscarriages, a car accident that totaled our car, and veil orders that just keep coming, I've barely had time to catch my breath.

Part of the craziness of the last few months has involved God leading me by the hand to show me just how personal His love is... and I couldn't have gotten through any of this without the comfort of that knowledge. With that in mind, you can probably imagine my delight to have a customer and now friend of mine send me a gift of enrollment in the Perpetual Prayer Society of the nuns at Our Lady of Grace Monastery in Connecticut!

Danielle, who sent me this wonderful gift, is discerning a religious vocation. She was drawn to the Institute of Christ the King and, on the same weekend she ordered a veil from me, she was able to meet with one of the priests of the Institute who had been in Connecticut for a few days. We exchanged a few emails, and when she found out that the priest she met with happens to be my spiritual director (all the way back here in Missouri), she saw that as a clear sign of God's hand leading her in her discernment! Please keep Danielle in your prayers.

Perpetually longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

"Mantilla With Me" Veil Giveaway!

2010-09-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

The ladies at Mantilla With Me are giving away four of my mantillas! For a chance to enter, leave a comment, post to your own blog, or cc: the Mantilla With Me team in an email to your friends and family.

Ready, set... go!

The Catholic Wife

Do You Veil at Mass? Or Considering It?

2010-08-16T17:55:00.000-07:00

Go over to Veils by Lily and take a look at my mantillas! And if you know someone who veils, please spread the word! I'm offering free shipping on all mantillas until Friday.

If you're still on the fence about veiling at Mass, take a look at Will You Mantilla With Me? and their blog.

The Catholic Wife

A Timely Message: Judge Not?

2010-08-11T06:39:00.000-07:00

To "Charisms on Campus" on Contraception and Natural Family Planning

2010-08-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

In a reply-turned-post, I would like to address some of the concerns brought up by "RA" of Charisms on Campus and some of her readers.

RA writes,

I need to use birth control for medical reasons and I cannot help but feel guilty and fearful for the future. ... I find it hard to trust NFP because many women don't have regular cycles (myself included) so there could be a huge chance for error there

We are lucky to live in an age when natural methods of postponing pregnancy are no longer purely the "rhythm method," which requires regular cycles to work effectively. On the contrary, NFP science has advanced to the point where it can be used very effectively even in the post-partum period, when it's not clear for months when a woman's cycle will return. There are plenty of NFP instruction programs available for when you're ready to learn more about it.

On the other hand, charting your cycle can be extremely useful in helping determine the cause of the cycle issues. Such knowledge is not common among medical professionals, but a small minority of physicians have been trained in NaProTechnology, which aims to address these kinds of problems without resorting to oral contraceptives. I know countless women whose cycle and fertility issues have been resolved by addressing the underlying causes.

A commenter, Deltaflute, writes,

To me to NFP for birth control, it's like using a barrier method or pull out method.

This is a legitimate concern, to be sure. Why is NFP be acceptable to postpone a pregnancy whereas artificial birth control isn't? The end is the same, right? Yes, the end is the same. However, we are called to love each other in imitation of God's love for us. What is God's love like? Completely self-giving. Christ gave Himself for us to the point of torture and death, and continues to give Himself to us completely in Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity every time He enters our bodies in Holy Communion. In like manner, the spouses are to give themselves to each other completely, without holding anything back--not even their fertility. With NFP, each and every marriage act allows for the full self-giving of the spouses; their fertility is not wilfully hindered as it is with contraception. If the spouses have discerned a serious reason to postpone a pregnancy, rather than have contracepted sex they abstain during the fertile time altogether, so that they don't frustrate the marriage act by intentionally separating its unitive and procreative purposes.

Caraboska writes,

Some time ago, I was on a medication that could cause even lethal birth defects in a fetus, and unfortunately it takes 6 weeks to get it out of your system, so even stopping the minute you find out you're pregnant would not really help. Thankfully, I was and still am unmarried and celibate, so I didn't have to worry, but I admit I did wonder what I would do if I were married. I think it would be unconscionable not to use contraceptives in such a situation.

The Church proclaims the marital act as a sacred act with two purposes, unitive and procreative, which are not to be separated by our own will. This is an absolute truth which the Church has taught infallibly throughout the centuries. This means that contraception is not acceptable even when you have serious reasons to avoid pregnancy, such as a medical condition that would make pregnancy dangerous or a medication that would pose a risk to newly conceived life. The willful separation of the unitive and procreative purposes of the marital act is intrinsically evil. Periodic abstinence, on the other hand, leaves the marital act intact and may be used when a couple has serious reasons to postpone pregnancy, even indefinitely.

I do recommend reading Pope Paul VI's encyclical Humanae Vitae for deeper insight into the why's of the Church's teaching on contraception. You will find the full text of the encyclical here.

Finally, on abortion, RA writes,

I still don't know where I stand when it comes to rape and incest...the trauma involved is so intense, I'm sure anyone would consider aborting

RA: like your first commenter, I also know someone who was conceived from a rape. Her mother rejected abortion and opted for adoption instead. This woman has done so much good for so many people that, after struggling with the reality of her conception, she has realized that God has the ability to turn something as evil as rape into something as sacred as a human life. She is eternally grateful for her life, which is a testament to God's ability to turn even the worst suffering into goodness.

Longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

In Communion with Christ

2010-07-27T08:15:00.000-07:00

When my alarm clock went off at 5:35 this morning, I hit the snooze button. I was exhausted and didn't see how I could muster the energy to get up, take a shower, and make it in time for Mass at 6:30.

"Holy Spirit, help me get up so I can get to Mass on time."

I closed my eyes again, thinking there was no way the Holy Spirit could overcome my exhaustion, when my body lifted itself up from the bed and started walking toward the bathroom. I chuckled.

While I was in the shower, I thought about how completely at the mercy of God I am. "Jesus, I am yours wholly and completely. I am nothing without you and neither do I wish to be without you. I offer you everything that I am and everything that I have, even the sadness of the loss of the life in my womb. My life is yours; do with me as you wish."

I made it to Mass on time.

After Communion, I decided I wanted to spend some time with Jesus when Mass was over. Knowing that He is truly present within me for about fifteen minutes after Communion--while the species of bread and wine remain--I wanted to pay attention to Him while He was still there. There is no better time to talk to Jesus face to face.

The final blessing came and most of the 6:30 regulars went on about their day. As I knelt in my pew, I began to contemplate the reality of Christ's suffering on the cross, and of Mary's grief as she lost her Son. My minuscule pain didn't compare to theirs, but I knew that they knew my pain nonetheless.

All at once, I was enveloped with the peace of heaven. Jesus was present within me just as He is in heaven, and I could sense not only His presence, but the presence of the angels and saints, as well. I was alone in the church, but I wasn't alone. I felt the entire body of Christ inviting me to pour out my heart and let the grief out because it was okay.

My tears gushed forth in the comfort of the presence of heaven.

Longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

Loss

2010-07-26T14:27:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for the warm congratulations when I announced my pregnancy. Despite two positive pregnancy tests last week, I started bleeding this morning and the bleeding has continued all day. It looks like this baby was meant for God alone. Although the pain of losing a tiny one early is great, I take comfort in the fact that God used us to create a new soul that will love Him for all eternity.

Longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

Love Made Flesh

2010-07-23T09:30:00.000-07:00

I cried all through Mass this morning. My heart is so full.

How do I even begin to put this feeling into words? It seems that nothing on earth can compare to having the chance to partake in the Eucharist in order to give thanks to God for love made flesh.

It's so fitting, isn't it? The perfect love that gave Christ's flesh and blood for the life of the world is the same love that blesses the union of husband and wife and allows them to become one flesh.

Just as the veil between heaven and earth is lifted when we join the choirs angels and saints in proclaiming God's glory, we get a glimpse of the eternal when we realize that God has created one more eternal soul.

Then we witness the mystery of Christ's perfect sacrifice made present in flesh and blood and stand in awe at the infinite magnitude of the love that makes such a sacrifice possible. We realize that it is that same love that has the power to create an eternal soul out of nothing.

As if that weren't enough, we go forward desiring to become one with Christ, who in turn wishes to become one with us. It is an intimate union that is meant to be fruitful for the life of the souls who partake.

Now the intimate union between husband, wife, and God is meant to be fruitful for the life of the soul who becomes.

Welcome, little soul in my womb.

The Catholic Wife

The Catholic Mass in 155 A.D.

2010-07-22T11:31:00.001-07:00

Are you familiar with the Catholic Mass? Then you'll recognize this description of the liturgy.

This is the faith of the early Christians, as told in a letter by St. Justin Martyr.

Thanks to Matthew Warner at Fallible Blogma.

What Do You Think?

2010-07-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

I've been spending a lot of time working on my new mantillas. In between stitches, I've been wondering if there is a difference between what I believe people are thinking when they see me wear a veil before the Blessed Sacrament, and what they really are thinking

I've always loved seeing other women veiling in church, even before I started on the path to veiling full-time myself. I've had a sense that it was appropriate, even prior to reading up on why women veil. On my end, I didn't do it because, well, I simply never had.

Several months ago, Hallie Lord did a great job of putting into perspective the "What will others think of me?" question:

For a while I resisted the idea of covering my head at Mass because I was afraid I would come across as holier-than-thou. I’ve come to realize what an uncharitable assumption that was, though. I never feel anything other than delight when I see a sister in Christ wearing a veil at Church. I’m a bit ashamed that I assumed others would react less graciously than I did.

I agree, but I would love to hear what you think. What goes through your mind when you see a sister in Christ wearing a veil in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament?

Longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

Special Announcement

2010-07-13T19:45:00.000-07:00

No, I don't know yet if I'm pregnant, if that's what you were thinking!

But I did come upon some absolutely beautiful Alencon lace in black, black with gold detail, and ivory with gold detail that I am making into stunning mantilla-style chapel veils.

Since I would love for more Catholic women to veil when in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, I hope that my own handiwork will inspire you to veil, too.

Stay tuned for more...

The Catholic Wife

The Best Sex Ever

2010-07-08T17:13:00.000-07:00

... is free, faithful, total and fruitful. And you can tell when you have that.

Ever since my talk with the priest about kneeling for Communion, I've been feeling uneasy. He said that my desire to kneel before Christ in the Eucharist was probably a call to do something else. In trying to figure out exactly what, though, I've come up empty-handed and confused.

Last night was the worst: I realized that God is calling me to something, but after thinking of a few possibilities, none of them seemed to be "it." Finally, as I prayed the Chaplet of St. Michael, I resigned myself to patience. God would reveal in His own time. He always has.

There we were, ready to sleep, when my husband came over to me and kissed me. I thought, "I love it when he kisses me like this; I know it is because he really loves me." Both of us knew that I was very fertile--perhaps a day shy of ovulation--and for the time being, the plan was to postpone our next pregnancy.

As we kissed, I thanked God for the blessing of my husband. I couldn't have asked for a more devoted husband and father. Already years into our marriage, we know we have a special bond that will last forever.

I longed to give myself to him completely. The emotional connection was so strong that, being grateful for the gift of my husband, I longed to give myself completely in body, mind, soul and... fertility.

For a moment, I thought about how the longing to give myself to him in that way is so much like the way in which Christ gives himself to us in the Eucharist. He is there in Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity and he wishes to enter our physical bodies and become one with our entire being. It's the perfect example of self-giving love.

Sure, it would be nice to be able to afford a near-new minivan. It would be nice to be at a place where I could quit my at-home job. It would be nice to lose a few more pounds before being pregnant again. It would be nice not to have to go through pregnancy and childbirth again.

But it would be so much more pleasing to God for us to forgo all those things for one more eternal soul. God had always taken care of us, had he not?

In a single moment, the confusion and apprehension about finding out God's will for me was gone. In its place was surrender and joy. Deep, deep joy even in the face of suffering to come.

Our love was free, faithful, total... and fruitful.

And only in God is my soul at rest.

The Catholic Wife

To Kneel or Not to Kneel...

2010-07-04T15:10:00.000-07:00

Let's pretend that, all of a sudden, you find yourself in the true presence of God. What do you do?

Now let's pretend that, all of a sudden, being in the true presence of God, you are notified that God wishes to enter your being and become one with you. What do you do?

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure I would be dumbfounded. Awe-struck. I would probably fall to my knees in adoration.

As it turns out, this is exactly what happens when we receive Communion! As stated and clarified by Jesus, the bread that we break is his flesh indeed, and the Catechism tells us that when we receive Him, we receive Him in Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity.

In meditating the true meaning of the Eucharist over the past few weeks, I have uncovered an intense desire to kneel to receive Communion. Although kneeling is standard practice in the Tridentine Mass, standing is the norm in the Ordinary Form. However, letters to U.S. Bishops and Catholic individuals from the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments have stated that "communicants who choose to kneel are not to be denied Holy Communion on these grounds."

Being about to burst with desire to adore Christ in the Eucharist at the moment of Communion, I spoke to a local priest who told me to simply... pray about it. So I did, and after a couple of weeks, the desire had only intensified. I went back to him, and he encouraged me to kneel if I felt led to it. So I did.

Three days later, I decided to bring up the matter with my pastor, because I knew that some priests wish to adhere to the directives of the U.S. bishops much more strictly when it comes to posture during Communion.

In the end, I was asked not to kneel for Communion. I obeyed out of respect for my pastor, who holds authority over me, but a gaping wound was left in my heart.

In spite of the Pope's wish to contrary, I am aware that Catholics throughout the United States have also been asked not to kneel in order to maintain unity within the Body of Christ. So I ask: If, in the name of "unity," we are asked not to adore Christ in the way Catholics have done for centuries up until a few decades ago, what next?

Certainly, I have no desire to go against authority. There's more than enough of that rebellious attitude in the church. I also don't care to call attention to myself. Most of all, I have no desire to disrupt the Mass.

But if the longing in my soul to adore my Lord was put there by the Holy Spirit himself, what next?

The desire to adore Christ as his whole Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity enters my being is not going away. Someone said that maybe it's God calling me to something. If that is so, I don't know what. "Pray about it," they say. And I do.

But the more I pray, the clearer things become: Christ, who is the second person of the Holy Trinity, who is in heaven with all the angels and saints, with Holy Spirit in the glory of God the Father... is truly and substantially present in the Eucharist. And He patiently awaits me. You, too.

Longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

Wear Your Mantilla

2010-06-12T17:01:00.000-07:00

My friend Elaine has started a beautiful blog to encourage Catholic women to Wear Your Mantilla. A few months ago, Elaine inspired me to start veiling at Mass or anytime I am in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, and I have found the practice to be a bounty of spiritual treasures. I have been moved to a deeper understanding of the Real Presence and a greater desire to humble myself before the Lord. Please be sure to visit her blog and spread the word!

Catholicism is About Truth

2010-06-04T12:09:00.000-07:00

Catholicism isn't about feelings - it's about truth. Objective truth. That doesn't mean that feelings are extraneous; simply that the faith isn't based on feelings. Emotions are fleeting, truth isn't.

I see a lot of people hop from denomination to denomination, church to church, looking for "better music", "better preaching", etc.--whatever will make them "feel good," as if God is found in external, subjective things. Heck, people look for a religion that will fit their lifestyle and their opinions, instead of seeking the truth and changing themselves to adapt to IT. Nowadays, if the average person doesn't "feel" God, they assume that God doesn't exist, or that God isn't in that particular church building, or that something outside of oneself isn't quite right.

There are some people who think the reverse: if you aren't suffering, you aren't "with" God, and if you're feelin' great, that feeling is from the devil. Truth becomes a factor of feelings, and that logic is just as flawed.

I find a lot more credibility in sticking to a set of beliefs because one believes them to be the truth rather than because they make one feel a certain way. If the God we believe to be eternal and unchanging is, in fact, eternal and unchanging, then faith shouldn't be a factor of feel-good experiences (or feel-bad experiences, for that matter). Faith that is based in truth should remain unchanging whether we feel great or not, and whether we "feel" God or not. If someone's faith doesn't pass that test, then there's something about it that isn't based in truth, and it's time to continue seeking.

Longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

Is the Church's Teaching on Contraception... Infallible?

2010-05-20T14:28:00.000-07:00

Contraception is a quick fix all right. As it turns out, three priests I know seem to think that the Church's teaching on contraception is optional. They have compassion for the couples who come to them for counsel on this issue and typically go on to tell them that they should "follow their conscience," that they clearly have "serious reasons" to exempt themselves from the teaching, or that the Church's teaching on contraception is not infallible and therefore up for debate.

I ponder these arguments with incredulity. Not too long ago, I had the chance to listen to Janet Smith's talk Humanae Vitae and Conscience, which deals with the "conscience clause" and touches on the infallibility of the teaching.

If a couple goes to a priest for advice on contraception, it's clear that their conscience is bothering them and they're looking for a get-out-of-jail-free card. Instead of getting information on alternative NFP methods that will work better for them, words that will encourage them to offer up their sacrifice, or information that will help inform their consciences, all they get is . . . that get-out-of-jail-free card. Some priests have even reassured their parishioners after hearing their confession.

On the struggle between conscience and Church authority, John Henry Newman writes:

And further, obedience to the Pope is what is called "in possession;" that is, the onus probandi (burden of proof) of establishing a case against him lies, as in all cases of exception, on the side of conscience. Unless a man is able to say to himself, as in the Presence of God, that he must not, and dare not, act upon the Papal injunction, he is bound to obey it, and would commit a great sin in disobeying it.

The problem is, most Catholics tend to put their conscience (usually, what they think they should do) above the teaching authority of the Church whose beliefs they claim to profess, especially if they have "serious reasons" to do so.

If we take a look at the words of Humanae Vitae, we will see the teaching clearly stating that the spouses may use natural methods to postpone pregnancy if they have serious reasons to do so. Nowhere does it say that those serious reasons give the spouses the license to contracept--it simply allows them to use natural methods. It seems that my three priest friends may have forgotten or overlooked this distinction.

Whether or not they are aware of the above distinction, though, some priests flat-out question the infallibility of the teaching, saying an encyclical is not infallible. Janet Smith, however, cites the document Lumen Gentium, from Vatican II, which says that there are three ways to determine if a teaching is infallible or not, absent an ex cathedra statement from the pope. It would depend on:

the character of the document
the frequency of the teaching being articulated, and
the manner by which the doctrine is formulated.

Not only has the teaching on contraception been articulated frequently, consistently and forcibly (from the early days of the Church to Casti Connubii, various speeches by Pius XII, Humanae Vitae, Familiaris Consortio, Gaudium et Spes, Veritatis Splendor, Evangelium Vitae, and John Paul II in almost every occasion), but the text of Humanae Vitae proclaims this unchanging teaching as an interpretation of natural law and the law of the Gospel. As Janet Smith so eloquently puts it, "It’s not a decision the Church has made, it’s a discovery that the Church has made through the vehicles given to us, through natural laws and through Scriptures."

The Church's teaching on contraception does fit the guidelines for an infallible teaching, putting the teaching right up there with abortion and adultery: it is never right.

So, what is behind the laxity of these priests in the area of contraception? Do they still believe, erroneously, that Natural Family Planning is the very imprecise "rhythm method"? Do they think it is a burden for the spouses (particularly the husband) to suppress their sexual attraction until the timing is better? (Who better than a celibate priest to hold married men to a higher standard!) Do they fear that people will leave the Church when confronted with a truth they do not like?

I don't know.

What I do know is that the Church has never and will never change its teaching on contraception--a teaching that states that contraception is intrinsically evil. And yet, some priests will continue to exempt practicing Catholics from this infallible teaching.

Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer for the body and blood of the Lord. (1 Corinthians 11:27)

Longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

In Love with Christ in the Eucharist

2010-05-14T06:34:00.000-07:00

I have always accepted that Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist. Of course; it's the essence of the Catholic faith.

After posting on a religious debate thread on Babycenter for several days explaining the logical nature of the Catholic faith, I decided to put myself out on a limb yesterday and opened myself up for personal criticism when I mentioned that I am in love with Christ in the Eucharist.

In thinking back about the way I approached the Eucharist for most of my life, I realize that it wasn't always awe and love. I would go through the motions, reciting the prayers of the Mass mindlessly and distracted, and approaching the altar to receive Communion with respect but taking it for granted. I barely thought about the meaning of the act when I put my hands out to receive Communion and then picked up the Host and put it my mouth.

Then I went to a Traditional Latin Mass. Everyone there kneeled to receive the Eucharist, and the altar server followed the priest with a paten that was put underneath the faithful's chin so that not one tiny crumb of the Precious Body would fall on the floor.

I watched, realizing the magnificence of what the careful actions of the priest and the altar server told me about the reality of Christ's presence in the Eucharist.

Jesus Christ, who is truly God, is present in the Eucharist in body, blood, soul and divinity.

What a momentous belief! God, who in His infinite goodness sent His son Jesus to redeem the world by the shedding of His most innocent Blood, allows us to have direct physical contact with Jesus Christ. By receiving the Eucharist, we physically receive Christ into our beings to sanctify us with His grace.

Suddenly, the reality of the Eucharist didn't seem so trivial.

What would be the implications of such a reality for all of us? What would this mean for those who, like me, were in search of a visible, tangible, unchangeable source of grace? What would this mean for those who were in search of . . . God?

It meant that Jesus, God incarnate, has been here all along, waiting for us to approach Him and receive Him into the entirety of our beings--physical body and spiritual soul.

Plainly put, that's . . . huge.

The Catholic Wife

Making Sense of Human Suffering

2010-04-11T21:22:00.000-07:00

At Adoration today, on the Feast of Divine Mercy, I stumbled upon a passage in Michael Casey's book Toward God: The Ancient Wisdom of Western Prayer. As I read the passage, I felt it as a confirmation of what I've been sensing for a while now: the need to embrace not only the joys we experience in this life, but also the suffering. Granted, my Catholic education has always told me that, but only after much reflection on the purpose that suffering has served in my life have I begun to internalize that teaching. Much in the way that Jesus did during his passion and death on the Cross, the embrace of grief in our lives has the potential for much spiritual fruit...

The effects of suffering are not limited to its immediate consequences. It has an impact on life as a while. Sometimes one needs it in order to grow more tender. As we reap our own harvest of grief, it is hard not to learn compassion. Our love for others is purified: the pain we have experienced makes us less and less willing to hurt anyone else. We become more human.

When life is very difficult, people sometimes lay hold of resources that they never knew they had. The easy-going, self-centered exterior is cast off and a person of heroic stature emerges. Under pressure, the one who has lain dormant these many years, tyrannized by an outward image bearing little resemblance to what was within. Suffering causes the mirror to crack. As the pieces fall away, we see what is hidden behind.

In the culture of the industrialized Western world, it is difficult to accept suffering. We are led to expect that it should not occur. If we lack acceptance or love or self-confidence, perhaps some consumer item will redeem the situation. Like some vast pharmacy, our technological society offers a remedy for almost every ailment. We come to believe it is not right to experience pain. We are encouraged to block it out, to forget our misery, to act "normally." Millions of people walk around pretending to be "normal."

As human beings we are vulnerable. The surest mark of adulthood is the capacity to accept that vulnerability in oneself, and in those one loves.

. . .

By the action of the Holy Spirit what is worst in us can give rise to what is best. This is an alchemy we do not comprehend and can never anticipate, no matter how often it happens. God transforms human limitation into something beautiful, taking what is of least value and ennobling it from within. This is properly the work of God. ... Our sadnesses and pain may not seem worth much, but they are fuel the Holy Spirit kindles into love.

Longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

Sunday Snippets - A Catholic Carnival

2010-02-28T14:43:00.000-08:00

Check out Sunday Snippets from other Catholic bloggers!

On my end, I'd like to highlight a beautiful video I saw last night. It gave me chills . . .

Evidence of Grace

2010-02-15T10:01:00.000-08:00

Sacrament

n. An outward sign

instituted by Christ

to give grace

I still remember reciting definitions from the Catechism as a young schoolgirl. The all-girls Catholic school I attended provided for religion class at least once per week. On this particular Friday, the teacher had called my name and I was to stand at my desk and define "Sacrament" for the whole class to hear.

I stood, nervous, hoping not to make a fool of myself in front of the other girls:

"A sacrament is an outward sign instituted by Christ to give grace."

* * *

I have never felt God's grace wash over me as overwhelmingly as I did on a special Saturday a few months ago. The week prior, my husband's family had been in town and one member of the family in particular had thought to point out everything she deemed wrong in the way I cared for my husband, my home and my children.

It wasn't a gentle sit-down where she could address her concerns. It certainly didn't seem like an honest desire on her part to help me become a better wife, mother and homemaker. It was more like an angry outburst -- like the bully on the playground that won't quit until you're crying.

When they left, our home was left in emotional shambles. As my husband and children recovered over the next week, I continued to feel a great deal of anger and, more than anything, hatred. I had screamed obscenities at this person, and I just couldn't shake the hatred. Evil had invaded our home.

The following Friday night, as I sunk into despair at those feelings I did not want to feel, I remembered the words I had recited as a child: "A sacrament is an outward sign instituted by Christ to give grace." I needed grace. I longed for grace.

* * *

I was early. No one else was at the church yet -- not even the priest had arrived -- and I was getting more and more nervous as each minute passed. I felt out of place in that pew, facing the Tabernacle and still unable to think a single good thought about anything or anyone. I prayed for grace.

Slowly but surely, Father John made his way to the confessional. As he approached, he gave me a warm smile that seemed to break a small slit through the hardened walls of my heart.

Once inside, I began to confess my sins. I saved the worst for last.

"...and I can't shake this feeling of... hatred. I don't want to feel like this, Father, but I can't help it. I've had horrible thoughts about this person and I don't know how to stop it." I was crying.

I looked up and found Father John's compassionate gaze, visible in it God's own compassion and mercy. I couldn't help thinking, "This man truly personifies God's love!"

Feeling relief at having confessed my sins, I could not understand why the powerful hold of the grudge against the person who had wronged me still held on tight. I listened to Father John's advice and found it good, though I wondered whether I would have the clarity of mind and enough peace in my soul to resolve to it.

Then he said the powerful words of the absolution and, all of a sudden, my soul surrendered:

"...and I absolve you of all your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

As if God himself had blown the breath of life into my soul, what I experienced at that moment was transcendent. In a way that was strictly spiritual yet affecting my entire physical body, I was washed over with grace. The hate had melted away to leave... peace. It was something beyond myself, for I had no power to do it. What I could not accomplish on my own was surrendered to God through this sacrament; the fruit of it, grace.

I think back on those days as a young girl. Back then, religion class was about memorizing without thinking... and I've realized that what happened in the confessional that day was a fruit of the faithful obedience of long ago.

It was... evidence of grace.

Longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

Sex is Like Music

2010-02-06T14:02:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, I stumbled upon this wonderful post, which describes the power of music in making one feel closer to God. Jennifer writes about feeling overwhelmed with the presence of God at a moment that happens to be while listening to beautiful music, and embraces the idea that a biological reaction to the sound waves of music can be a spiritual pathway to the presence of God.

I agree. And I believe the same can be true for sex.

Believe it or not, the starting point of this most recent journey was a stressful confrontation with someone who dared to point out every flaw in the way I cared for my husband, my children and my home. After the pain and anger lifted, I identified a longing to seek the truth -- the truth of what it is that God expects from me and what it is I should be striving for.

Inspired by a series of events that I will describe later, I began attending daily Mass, opening my heart to what God had to say to me through the readings and through the Eucharist. I looked for reading material that would give me deeper insight into the Church's teachings on marital love. After all, I am a wife and a mother -- and a Catholic one at that -- and I should know what the Church has to say to me. Sure, I knew the basics: be faithful to your husband, don't contracept, and be open to life. Maybe, I thought, I can give God a chance to guide me through His Church once again.

In my inquiry, I felt led to review the teachings of the Catholic Church that call for self-giving love in all aspects of the marital relationship. I asked myself, "Have I been practicing self-giving love?" What is self-giving love, anyway? Is it sweeping the kitchen when all I want to do is sleep? Is it remembering to leave the car parked where my husband won't step in the mud on his way out in the morning? Is it getting up in the middle of night to tend to a sick child? Is it bringing my husband his nightly glass of water before he has a chance to get it himself? Is it practicing humility and acknowledging my part in our most recent argument? Is it loving my husband for his own sake, with all his faults and virtues, as a human being created in the image and likeness of God? Is it giving all of my mind, body and soul to my husband and not holding back on God's gift of sex? Yes, it is!

I've loved my husband deeply since before we were married, but these thoughts inspired a new way to practice my love for him . . . love that required conscious acts rather than mere emotion. And I wanted those conscious acts to extend to the most intimate part of our marriage.

I remember telling one of my friends a while back that I wanted to "spice up our sex life," but that, knowing the wisdom of the Church's teachings, I wanted to be sure to do it in accordance with them. So, a few months ago, I ordered Gregory K. Popcak's Holy Sex! A Catholic Guide to Toe-Curling, Mind-Blowing, Infallible Loving. When I saw the title, I thought, "Yes! That's exactly what I'm looking for!"

The way I was currently approaching that part of my life didn't lend itself to "mind-blowing," by any means. Sex was just... okay. It felt like sex was something to seek for its own sake, and it had become a chore, especially when I was tired. For me, it had little if any spiritual dimension at this point of our marriage. It was a purely physical event, from start to finish.

In exploring the purely physical dimension of sex, Popcak mentions that when we have sex, we involve the "love hormone," oxytocin, which peaks at orgasm and lingers afterward, such that the lovers crave for each other in a way that is grounded in biology.

In other words, the ecstasy of sex can be attributed to the hormone oxytocin just like musical ecstasy can be attributed to that specific biological reaction that occurs in the brain. But I felt that, like one doesn't feel God through just any kind of music, neither can one feel God through just any kind of sex.

Then I realized that the divine formula for Holy Sex -- sex that is both physically and spiritually transcendent -- is spelled out by the teachings of the Church! In particular, the beautiful words of Pope Paul VI's encyclical Humanae Vitae were instrumental in renewing in me the true spirit of marital love:

This love is above all fully human, a compound of sense and spirit. It is not, then, merely a question of natural instinct or emotional drive. It is also, and above all, an act of the free will, whose trust is such that it is meant not only to survive the joys and sorrows of daily life, but also to grow, so that husband and wife become in a way one heart and one soul, and together attain their human fulfillment.

It is a love which is total—that very special form of personal friendship in which husband and wife generously share everything, allowing no unreasonable exceptions and not thinking solely of their own convenience. Whoever really loves his partner loves not only for what he receives, but loves that partner for the partner's own sake, content to be able to enrich the other with the gift of himself.

One night, after spending days contemplating God in the small sacrifices of daily life and re-learning how to love and care for my husband, I gave myself completely to him. In him I saw God, who had created him in His image and likeness. I saw God in the pleasure that was His gift to us. I saw God in the beautiful act of sex that was physically, chemically and emotionally unobstructed. Sex that was faithful, pleasurable and self-giving. It was an act that embraced sexual pleasure not for its own sake, but as a manifestation of God's perfect love for us.

The result was something I had only experienced a few isolated times in our marriage. I felt God in a way that I hadn't for years. At the height of our embrace, I felt like my soul touched a piece of heaven. I was overwhelmed with the presence of God, palpable in that marital embrace. It was like a convergence of all that is good and holy: the generosity of self-giving love, lived through our daily sacrifices and culminating in this one beautiful act, and the humble acceptance of God's gift of sex.

Longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

Who I Am and Why I Write

2010-02-02T06:07:00.000-08:00

Welcome. I'm glad you've stopped by. I am a cradle Catholic in a journey to rediscover the depth and meaning of some of the most beautiful teachings of the Catholic Church. Be prepared to hear my candid thoughts on the most sensitive and private experiences that come with being a Catholic Wife.

I was raised in a Catholic family and received my First Communion in middle school while attending an all-girls Catholic school. I then attended secular schools for the first half of high school before attending and graduating from another all-girls Catholic school.

In the struggle that has been my faith, I have seen my obedience to the Church's teachings go from childish ("These are the rules and I need to follow them") to pridefully rebellious ("The Church is for prudes and I can make my own decisions, thank you very much!") to seeking ("Is God really asking more and better of me through the teachings of his Church?") to joyfully awe-struck ("Wow, God's love is so immense that He has outlined point by point through the teachings of the Church, which are inspired by the Holy Spirit, what I need to do in order to love like He loves!").

As I discover more and more beauty amid the struggle that is life, I invite you to discover with me.