Tuesday, July 27, 2010

In Communion with Christ

When my alarm clock went off at 5:35 this morning, I hit the snooze button. I was exhausted and didn't see how I could muster the energy to get up, take a shower, and make it in time for Mass at 6:30.

"Holy Spirit, help me get up so I can get to Mass on time."

I closed my eyes again, thinking there was no way the Holy Spirit could overcome my exhaustion, when my body lifted itself up from the bed and started walking toward the bathroom. I chuckled.

While I was in the shower, I thought about how completely at the mercy of God I am. "Jesus, I am yours wholly and completely. I am nothing without you and neither do I wish to be without you. I offer you everything that I am and everything that I have, even the sadness of the loss of the life in my womb. My life is yours; do with me as you wish."

I made it to Mass on time.

After Communion, I decided I wanted to spend some time with Jesus when Mass was over. Knowing that He is truly present within me for about fifteen minutes after Communion--while the species of bread and wine remain--I wanted to pay attention to Him while He was still there. There is no better time to talk to Jesus face to face.

The final blessing came and most of the 6:30 regulars went on about their day. As I knelt in my pew, I began to contemplate the reality of Christ's suffering on the cross, and of Mary's grief as she lost her Son. My minuscule pain didn't compare to theirs, but I knew that they knew my pain nonetheless.

All at once, I was enveloped with the peace of heaven. Jesus was present within me just as He is in heaven, and I could sense not only His presence, but the presence of the angels and saints, as well. I was alone in the church, but I wasn't alone. I felt the entire body of Christ inviting me to pour out my heart and let the grief out because it was okay.

My tears gushed forth in the comfort of the presence of heaven.

Longing for God,

The Catholic Wife

1 comment:

  1. I find those moments following communion special, too, and if you can get some time alone in the church, then that is very special. What a good day you had!