Thursday, July 8, 2010

The Best Sex Ever

... is free, faithful, total and fruitful. And you can tell when you have that.

Ever since my talk with the priest about kneeling for Communion, I've been feeling uneasy. He said that my desire to kneel before Christ in the Eucharist was probably a call to do something else. In trying to figure out exactly what, though, I've come up empty-handed and confused.

Last night was the worst: I realized that God is calling me to something, but after thinking of a few possibilities, none of them seemed to be "it." Finally, as I prayed the Chaplet of St. Michael, I resigned myself to patience. God would reveal in His own time. He always has.


There we were, ready to sleep, when my husband came over to me and kissed me. I thought, "I love it when he kisses me like this; I know it is because he really loves me." Both of us knew that I was very fertile--perhaps a day shy of ovulation--and for the time being, the plan was to postpone our next pregnancy.

As we kissed, I thanked God for the blessing of my husband. I couldn't have asked for a more devoted husband and father. Already years into our marriage, we know we have a special bond that will last forever.

I longed to give myself to him completely. The emotional connection was so strong that, being grateful for the gift of my husband, I longed to give myself completely in body, mind, soul and... fertility.

For a moment, I thought about how the longing to give myself to him in that way is so much like the way in which Christ gives himself to us in the Eucharist. He is there in Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity and he wishes to enter our physical bodies and become one with our entire being. It's the perfect example of self-giving love.

Sure, it would be nice to be able to afford a near-new minivan. It would be nice to be at a place where I could quit my at-home job. It would be nice to lose a few more pounds before being pregnant again. It would be nice not to have to go through pregnancy and childbirth again.

But it would be so much more pleasing to God for us to forgo all those things for one more eternal soul. God had always taken care of us, had he not?

In a single moment, the confusion and apprehension about finding out God's will for me was gone. In its place was surrender and joy. Deep, deep joy even in the face of suffering to come. 

Our love was free, faithful, total... and fruitful.

And only in God is my soul at rest.

The Catholic Wife

13 comments:

  1. This is such a beautiful post in it's intimacy..and not just the intimacy that you share with your husband, but that which the Lord wants to share with us! I've lived this post and not only was it so amazing b/c we were completely abandoned to God's will, but it also resulted in the beautiful blessing that is our 4 year old! Thanks for sharing this truth!

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  2. It is so true. It is the best because it is lived according to God's plan.

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  3. What a beautiful testimony to what marriage really is and to the call of God to be open to life. It pulls back the veil briefly to illuminate the mystery of married love. God bless you for sharing it so modestly. And may the word of love be made flesh for you and your husband in imitation of the Trinity.

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  4. Wonderful post. I agree with Mary Ann, you said it so beautifully as a testimony to your faith in God as a couple!

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  5. Ahhh, I'm with Angela. That reminds me of how Big Bear got here! What an amazing blessing he is.

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  6. Beautiful post! I just found your blog tonight and have really enjoyed reading it! It is nice to know that other couples share similar NFP struggles and joys, and are firmly confident that it is the truest way to live a sacramental marriage. Thanks for sharing!

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  7. Thank you, all! It's hard to put such intimate experiences out there, but it's incredibly encouraging to see that others do recognize this truth because they've lived it in their own lives. We are truly blessed to have the guidance of the church to show us the way to true freedom.

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  8. This is an amazing post and I agree, beautifully shared... Your story makes this holy marital love seem so desirable, which I feel sure is so pleasing to God. Thanks for sharing and inspiring us. And may you continue to be so blessed!!

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  9. I appreciate your post very much. And for you and all those ladies who are enjoying living in faith and doing God's will, bless you. I, unfortunately, have to live with the fact that at the age of 27, a few months after I had our second child, I had a tubal ligation. I learned years later when I became Catholic that this was a mortal sin. I confessed and have been forgiven. I was never able to pursue reversal because my lovely feminist doctor maded sure to obliterate my fallopian tubes by cauterization ... and financial issues and the risk of ectopic pregancy. So thank God that so many of you didn't do what I did and have to not only carry the cross of never having more children and being outside of God's will for my family, but also the fact of an inferior forever corrupted intimate relationship with my H, eternally closed to life.

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  10. Anonymous - thank you for sharing your experience. I can't begin to imagine the pain of such a loss (because it is a loss, no matter what our "feminist" society wants to tell us). My prayers are with you and your family.

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  11. I don't think the comment from the priest was correct. I think your desire to kneel for communion is a divine inspiration and is what all of us should be doing. I used to kneel for communion at the NO Mass but now have problems with my knees and so don't do so. But I remember the times when I did. There was one occasion when I attended an evening Mass which had no altar rails and Mass was said on the side altar. I thought to myself - being in high heels it was going to be difficult to get up and down and that perhaps it would be okay to take communion standing this once - well I got up to the priest and as I did so, I felt a slight pressure on each shoulder and so I knelt for communion as usual, and was glad I did so. My cousin told me she had a similar experience. I kneel for communion at the TLM because it is much easier to do so to get up and down without worrying people are going to trip over my feet. But if you're young, and fit enough that is what I think you are being called to do. God bless.

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  12. A lovely story ! It is is exactly this sort of experience whilst "making" our family which lead my (non Catholic) husband to convince me that I should insist that we follow my Church and not use the contraception after we were officially "done" with kids.

    However frustrating NFP can be at times sex isn't sex unless it's full natural and complete.

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  13. Thank you for your amazing post. I'm so happy there are beautiful, faithful women like you. Your husband is a blessed man and obviously you are blessed as well.

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